Tuesday, August 30, 2011

My Creative Block

After I graduated from The School Of Visual Arts in 1998 my creative block began to creep up all around me to the point where I couldn't even look at a canvas anymore.  I thought, "What's the point?" This block was the accumulation of a lot of disillusioning and disheartening art classroom experiences that went all the way back to grade school

Two months ago I proceeded to do a full protocol Vortex Healing® on the issue of creativity.  The outcome of the healing felt quite subtle but slowly began to gain momentum over time.  I now realize it's important for me to remember what I appreciate about art in the present before I can move forward.  

One thing the healing has brought up is my anger towards a particular grade school art teacher.  I don't remember her name but I will certainly never forget her.  She was a strict and angry women.  She cared more about enforcing order in her classroom than she did inspiring her students.  I recall the first day of class she proceeded to lecture the students with a stern and joyless tone, raising her voice abruptly at times to let the kids know she meant business.  I disliked her immediately. One time I tried to leave class without cleaning up my art supplies.  She didn't just order me back into the classroom, she proceded to scream and scream and scream at me all throughout the time I cleaned up my table.  She purposefully stopped the whole class in it's tracks so all the kids could witness my humiliation.  It makes me angry to this day.  

However, I recall another time in class that was different.  I was doing my artwork as usual when the teacher came by to look at it.  At that moment her pinched angry face lit up into a smile.  "That's really nice!" she said in a positive tone that sounded almost alien. I could see she was really impressed with what I had created.   

The healing I've done on myself has helped me to appreciate that moment.  I must remember that the best of who you are shines most brightly during times of such adversity.

My talent for art must certainly mean something if I can make a hardened bitch like that art teacher smile with appreciation.   ;-)

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